Selfishness
There is a challenge in being an abstract expressionist. I’ve become accustomed to abstracting emotion, thought and philosophy into; color, lines and formal relationships within a picture plane. It seems harmless at first, when red is still passion and fast lines are only interesting graphics. Then a whole new world starts to appear and relationships that only I can see start to become the norm. I might seem a little disconnected at times rambling about texture and line speed or making synesthetic connections between worlds. Then when I’m lying on the ground or staring at a wall with my lens inches from it, I might even seem a little crazy.
I used to worry about it, but mostly because I believed my work was a luxury or a selfish extravagance. That I was wasting time pursuing work that didn’t need to be done, on a project that had been done before. Every time I picked up the camera I felt guilty and pressured into believing that: I do art because I love it. I believed, or was coerced, into believing that it served no greater purpose. I’ve come to realize the error of that thinking.
Realization
I’m not doing this for me. I’m an artist for you.
I do it so that you don’t have to endure this level of extreme self reflection, the years of perfecting a craft, and the driving obsession to cram all of our humanity into a rectangle. You get to stand in the gallery and see the crazy, to feel the storm through a safe filter. My purpose really fulfills that niche in our collective experience and offers to share it with the world. I know I am very lucky to be an artist, a thinker and to live in a time where I’m allowed to do this job. Still, I’ve realized this job is not a luxury, it is necessary.
This realization has allowed me a fuller acceptance to the fate of this strange and wonderful experience we call: “Artist.”
Thank you, I’m glad you’re here to share the journey and the discovery with me.
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